What Stops You From Being Successful?

What Stops You From Being Successful?



Today is about success and what stops you from being successful? What issues in your past are following you into the present and stopping you from reaching your goals? Have you avoided them or shut it out because it was just too much to deal with at the time? Have you past experiences like bullying either at school, at Uni or in the workplace? Have you experienced harassment or abuse in relationships? Or have you experienced friendships that toed the line with an uneven balancing of giving and taking? With situations like this we are often just happy and relieved to be out of the situation but your future, your body & your connection with others will eventually tell a different story. I have found if you shut out what has given you bad experiences in the past they follow you around until you look at them to fully release them and be able to move forward with fresh and new eyes & attract what you really want in your life.

The word bullying & abuse rises it’s head and the shame hits and the heads begin to fall. Abuse of any kind is definitely not kind and the shame around them makes it hard to even admit it happened to you or that it may even still be happening. Well stuff shame I am willing to talk about it. I was bullied or harassed at different times throughout my life & career and it followed me from job to job, I even became the bully myself embracing negative masculine values in the work place & life to protect myself, a bully is always a victim of bullying or abuse at some point and we turn the table to protect ourselves with what we have learnt. It even meant bullying me, this was the worst realisation because to realise I treated myself that way and felt that way about myself really struck home, emotionally that was tough and what came after to unlearn the behavior was also difficult. It took time working through different programed beliefs that had been engrained and it is still now a daily practice & a practice I am happy to keep up if it means I treat myself and then in turn others well.

Bullying oneself is common and many people do this all the time and a lot of workplace’s bank on it for you to give them more. Late nights, giving more than you get, over delivering, giving your heart and soul to your job. You know the term selling ones soul, well this is just not a saying. Burning your self to the ground, this isn’t just made up either. Once I discovered this pattern in a different way I was able to see that I didn’t want to be that type of leader, I didn’t want to be that type of person, I didn’t want to work for companies with those values and it was time to change. Hence, my career & business, Open for Life, supporting people and business to change. I must note that my bullies were men & women (no discrimination there, but the workplace did dictate how that looked).

Funnily enough this showed up in other areas of my life with abusive relationships, which lead to me ending up in non committal situations with men because both of us were usually too scared to put our hearts on the line and be vulnerable. It kept following me around also and I kept attracting a particular type of man. So my love world suffered also but that’s a whole other blog post. I will note though that now, currently the men in my life are very kind, a much needed change that came from me not bullying myself & putting myself first.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, once I went through the worst of it, I started to make decisions and I began to ‘level up’ into my life, which meant going back to where it all began. It is amazing how the systems we have been in follow us through all parts of our lives, especially our family systems often something that happened to someone in our family can come through as a repeat pattern in our life showing up in different areas. For women the worldly system & conscience (which is changing rapidly and changes even more when we change our own mindset) sets us on the back burner due to the power regimes at play & the suppression of women over time (yes another blog lol), but the only way to change is to change you.

Up leveling is about raising your vibration (yes a hippy word but there is no other word to describe it and if we look scientifically this is not so woo woo really). Up leveling is about raising your profile, raising your worth & value, raising your inner power and I am not talking about raising your masculine negative power I am talking about a different power a power that comes from within and not at the expense of other people. It is a power that is within us all. It’s the time to be EMPOWERED!

Empowered is about using all parts of your self including your body to intuitively, emotionally, vulnerably connect with people, we drop the defence mechanisms that we have built up so well to protect ourselves and we let go of ego running the show. We connect to ourselves and in turn we welcome great connections into our lives. In my life I have the happiest I have ever been, I am present, aware, healthy, clear, heart warmed, I welcome the ebb & flow (thanks Pearl Jam) & when negativity comes my way I deal with it very differently and most of the time it doesn’t touch me like it used to. This is because I have finally connected to me. It enables me to lead my life with empowerment rather than management or a dictatorship and in turn that enables me to connect with others with empathy. Empowered Connection!

So if you are someone who feels they fall back into old patterns or you have a similar pattern as above my suggestion is seek support because the first belief to concur is that you have to do it on your own, and let me say it is just not true. The saying 2 heads are better than one, well I like to say two bodies are better than one, connected we can discover so much more & empower each other. So what is stopping you from your success?

With Gratitude


Holistic Counsellor, Corporate Consultant
Eiran Trethowan is owner for Open for Life  offering Holistic Counselling & Business, Corporate Services ConsultingEiran